I have not wrote in awhile and I am not sure why, I don’t know if it was the stress of everything or the move across country but I lost my sense of writing.
I wanted to start fresh and got rid of some of my past blogs. I am just not ready for everything to be out there but mainly I just don’t want to relive somethings right now. in time I will re-post them.
So update- I left Arizona a few weeks ago. It was bitter sweet. As I locked my doors for the last time I made sure to lock the bad memories in with the house.
Skyler has made his way to Korea. After court time went on of us living together, slower we seemed to become some what of friends even after everything that happened. I didn’t get to bring Zeus home with me and I still miss him the most.
I have struggled my first weeks here in Wisconsin. Emotionally and this damn pollen is out to get me. As I unpacked my things slowly I came across things that brought back memories. Some I have tucked away in a box and some that just went into the trash. I am trying to heal but I seem to be having a hard time.
I can’t get things out of my head no matter how hard I try. I still have questions and still wonder so much. It is hard to move on when you are never getting the answers. I have to remind myself that if anyone one of them cared they would give the answers but they don’t and I shouldn’t either.
I try to wish them the best when in reality I don’t. I wish the best for him, I want him to be happy and to be okay with his life. Her, I don’t because I still think that any woman who does all that happened to another woman and her son is not a good person. Any woman who can’t be an adult and talk to the one they helped hurt is just not a good human in my book. That brings me to the fact I need to learn that not every person is going to have as good of a heart as I do. I think about others before myself and I am proud of myself that I was raised right and have the ability to be a decent human.
I am growing and becoming stronger each day. I have a wonderful house, Amazing friends that I have already spent so much time with, I got an amazing job that pays way more then I imagined I would make in Wisconsin. Things are looking up and starting to come together. At night time though is when I start to miss him. I snap back quicker then I used to mainly because of a horrible email he wrote, he went out of his way to remind me of something, something that I had no intention of ever thinking of doing again but for some reason it cut me deep.
I am going to be okay. I have survived all of my worst days this far and I am going to come back out on top with all my pieces back together.