Living alone

Moving back to Wisconsin has had some adjustments in my life. In Arizona I lived with two men. I felt protected at night, I always had another mind to bounce ideas off of, anything I couldn’t figure out someone else could.

I had a roommate that would sit outside for hours with me talking about anything and everything. We spoke more times about Area 51 and other conspiracy theories then about our actual lives. We spent our days with our jobs- I talked medical all day and he talked Air Force bullshit all day so it was always nice to come home and not talk about those things. Unfortunately when everything went down and we moved out things seemed to die down. I’m sure it was the awkward place he was put in. Not wanting to lie to me but having to keep his secrets. I get it, I will always get that. I would be lying though if I didn’t say I missed the times with him. He was a good person and really helped though some of my hardest days just by talking about the most random crap.

Living alone now my dad gets far more calls now. He doesn’t mind at all he answers no matter the time of the day. How do I cook this? How do I fix this? While I only call him when I truly can not figure it out myself I find myself wishing I had them back in my house minus the drama. I have way less laundry to do, I don’t clean nearly as much as I needed to there, I don’t laugh as much as I did with them though either.

The best part about my roommate is when I didn’t understand something he took the time to explain it without making me feel dumb about it, it reminded my of my old best friend Brandon. I have spent the last week trying to figure out electrical stuff. My house is old so there is only one outlet in every room! ONE! There is no central air which sucks in the upstairs room. So back to my rant I have been trying to figure out how many amps each outlet can handle because I have to put in window AC in some of the rooms. I have a fear of fires which is odd because a lot of my friends and family are firefighters and I have spent many years in fire stations. So I have been trying to figure out if a window AC plus the TV and light plugged in is going to blow something. I find myself thinking I wonder if they would have known anything about this. I finally somewhat figured out what I was doing and then just went for it. I didn’t blow anything and didn’t start a fire yet so I would say I am doing pretty well.

Next week I am headed to California and had to find a boarder for Ares. I am a hot mess worried about him and how he is going to do. I am afraid he will think I left him. I’m worried he won’t be able to sleep at night. I didn’t have to worry about this when I would leave mainly because I always stayed home and cared for the dogs when he left on his weekends but when I did leave they got to stay in their home with people who loved them.

Living alone after getting a taste of what it’s like to not has been a hard, very hard transition back to how it was but I am handling it. There are sleepless nights when I hear something downstairs but I make a cup of coffee in the morning and handle it.

Sometimes life sucks, really sucks but when you do something alone and feel the accomplishment it sure is rewarding. I would like to share some of my achievements with them but I am not one to bug or to push limits that have been set for me. I love one of them and miss the other. Maybe one day I will find a man that is the both of them into one human and live completely happy. One listened and one made me feel good. One cared and one I created a home with. They both loved my son but one promised the world. I’ll find him one day.

Remember the choices you make have lasting effects so think long and hard about them and make sure you will be okay with whatever happens.

Everyone have a great weekend!

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