The right was a year ago today. My life was content, was amazing, I was happy, my child was happy. We were living in Arizona, living my dream life. A family of my own. A protector, a partner, a confident, a best friend, a goofy lovable, playful man.
The left was today. On the beach- a cool, windy day. The Ocean was freezing but we both jumped in and played in the waves. On the outside, I smiled, laughed, made jokes and had the best one liners as always. On the inside I was dying, waiting to release all the emotions I had inside.
Depression- A ugly demon that lives inside ones self that puts up camp inside their head.
There is medication that if taken correctly can help. The wrong dose, kind or recall can throw someone down a hole that is hard to come out of.
There is therapy that can cost as much as a car. You can only talk so much before you start to think this is just your life now.
Family, Friends can only handle so much when you talk to them because they don’t quiet understand what you are actually feeling inside. They can’t hear the demons and what they are saying.
Suicide- While your pain goes away in the temporary fix for a permanent choice. You pass on the pain to the ones you leave behind.
People who overcome depression are the strongest humans in my book. To overcome such pain, hurt and messed up mind is someone you should be proud off.
When all else fails at least for me, I turn to the ones that hurt me in hopes I’ll get some kind of communication that will help me. That will calm the demons for the time being so they crying and pain stops. I try to help them so I can forget about what is going on with me. Sometimes it is great and we in time find a way to be friends and sometimes I am learning that just can’t happen because I am the only one that cares.
Mental illness is so hush hush in this world because no one wants to admit they hurt someone. No one wants to open up and tell others they are the way they are because I destroyed their hope in life. Not many are like me that want to cure the world of depression because I can’t stand the thought of someone sitting alone crying like I have because they want to be strong for the ones they love. Not many people want to admit what they have done to the ones they love in fear of being judged or looked down on.
It’s time we help others and love ourselves because this is a harsh freaking world and it’s not going to get better if we don’t take a stand and tell our stories and help the ones around us.
I hope everyone has a great weekend and if you need someone to talk to even if you have never met me just reach out and I’ll be there.