Today was my first day back to work after a week long vacation. This vacation really opened my eyes. A week in the woods will do that to a person.
I took the week to explore my mind and body. To fall in love with myself again. I hit what I thought was rock bottom some nights. I let it all out, every emotion, every feeling, every thought.
Who would of thought that I would release myself in the same state he married her in. Maybe that’s what I needed. Maybe that’s the place I needed to do this.
I may not be fully healed and I don’t think the hole in my heart will ever fully close but I came home today and I packed all his things in a box. The 100+ photos of messages I took to court, the sweatshirt that I have had behind my pillow for months and many other things like the necklace I got for Mother’s Day last year. I have another box to send out of stuff that is his and should have back. The box I packed for me I tucked away in the back of my closet until I decide what to do with it. I can never disrespect a sweatshirt!
I am starting to love myself again, my body, my heart and my mind. Pain is temporary I have always known that and I hope one day I can make it the 24 hours without thinking about him and what happened in Arizona. I hope one day I can forgive and thank him. Most of all I hope one day I do only remember the good times.
For now I will continue to be a mom, a RMA, volleyball player, friend, and daughter. I will continue to work out and give myself self love that I need.
We live in a world where people hurt people without thinking, without caring, without regret but that should never change who you are as a person. Relationships come and go but don’t ever let someone’s actions change who you are as a person.
In the end it is their loss. To throw away someone who loved them more then anything, who cared, who cheered for them in their accomplishments, supported their goals and still cared, loved even after they completely momentarily destroyed them.
People like me are rare and hard to find in this day in age and if people can’t see that it is their loss in the end. One day they will look back and when they hear my name I hope they think that’s the girl that loved me more then anything and I destroyed her.
So for now the box sits away and this woman is off to volleyball.
Everyone have an amazing Thursday!