IT IS NOT OKAY!

It truly amazes me the way people think they can talk to someone. If people take the time to breath and talk like adults there would be a lot less communication in this world. To attack someone without even listening and creating a good day for them into a terrible one is not okay!

I tried to have an adult conversation that got so twisted and so fast that I am outside of my mind right now! To only read what they wanted to. To not take a second and listen but to throw in my face mean things. I did what I thought was right in letting them know something but I was reminded that they don’t care! They just want to see what they want to see. This was something so simple and small in turned into something HUGE so fast.

I want to help others that is my goal in life and when I have a door opened by something in my past you better believe I am going to walk through that door with my head held high but I WILL NOT GET THERE AT THE EXPENSE OF ANOTHER PERSON! I am mad right now, hurt and just slapped in the face.

For them to throw in there with other things that they hope I HAVE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED…

Do you think I want-

  1. TO CRY EVERY FREAKING DAY?
  2. TO HOLD MY EMOTIONS IN BECAUSE I HAVE OTHERS TO TAKE OF?
  3. TO BE TOLD THAT I NEVER WILL HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN WHEN I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE DECENT?
  4. TO HAVE LOST OVER A YEAR OF MY LIFE AND BE THIS WAY?
  5. TO WORK MY ASS OFF TO GET RID OF DEPRESSION ONLY TO BE BACK TO IT?

Is that what you think I have wanted? Is that what you think I am okay living with?

I don’t understand people, I want to. I want to help others but at what point do you just stop because it is causing you more hurt then it is good. I want to help this girl and make it known that no one helped her. She reached out to ME! She came to me for a safe place and am I wrong right now that I don’t know how to move forward because someone just attacked me without listening to the good I am trying to do? Do people really only think about themselves because I don’t know what that feels like. I only ever think of others and how I can help them or make them better or make their day better. I cry during the day alone without asking for help in my own life but I stand up and help others even when I have no one.

I hate that things get twisted so fast and you have to move so quick to untwist them. It like being under water and you push and push and push to get to the top to take a breath but the top just keeps getting away. You get exhausted just trying to get that breath.

Things were going to go so much different on Monday but after being attacked, after things thrown in my face and them not taking a damn second to hear me out it is clear what I have to do.

IS IT SO HARD TO ADMIT WHEN WRONG AND SAY SORRY LETS START THIS TALK OVER?

Other then this I hope you all are having a great day because mine sure has taken a turn!

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