When you come out of a bad breakup where games were played, lies were told and the pain was real you question just about everyone that comes into your life after.
If you could trust and love someone who destroys your heart like you were nothing what is to say the next person won’t? How do you trust again? How do you believe anything anyone says?
This past weekend I met someone. While we got along great I was nervous. It was a random happening. He asked me what brought me to Wisconsin and I was hesitant on telling my story. As soon as I did the look on his face I knew I said something wrong. He hugged me and said I am so sorry. Unfortunately the Air Force is full of inconsiderate assholes. My mind raced as the words came out “How do you know that”.
I am in the Air Force he said. I am here in Wisconsin for training and this is my last week here. I felt disappointed because we got along so well. I thought so I dare ask where he is stationed. Welp I always ask the questions I don’t want to the answers to… “Florida”. I thought I was going to puke. Well there goes my chance of ever visiting you. He said there are many bases in Florida and maybe he wasn’t going to his. I can only hope!
I was nervous. I thought really Kelsey another Air Force guy haven’t you ruined yourself enough with them, but he seemed different. Mature and a gentleman. I thought all night this can’t be real to good to be true. He must have some darks secrets like the others. He is going to hurt me, I know it, I just know it. I was reserved and overwhelmed but he never not once made me feel uncomfortable. He listened and asked questions something they never did. He gave advice and didn’t pressure for anything more then what I gave. We spent hours talking and still are talking. He has never gotten sexual. He is open about any questions I ask weather they are honest is something I’ll have to wait and find out. He is patient and kind. He owns a house and is stable.
Sadly though the fears I have tend to take over. This is how S.C was from the start but he withheld information and told lies. He portrayed a life that was never going to happen because he lied about his feelings for his ex. He never let me in because all along I was just a time filler. I believe she was in the picture long before he admits. I believe that’s why he doesn’t answer my questions and failed to keep it a secret longer. He had the best of both worlds. Someone to love him at home during the week, to cook and clean. Then had the one he hide and went to on the weekends. I don’t believe he ever went to Nevada and it’s sad because we were the ones hurt.
What if I miss this chance of fate because I was destroyed by someone who destroyed my family.
All I know if I have learned one thing out of all of this is I don’t want to start a relationship based on secrets and lies. I don’t ever want to get married based on secrets and lies. So I will give this a chance but I’ll stay reserved and hope I don’t miss something great because I made a choice to love the wrong person.
Stay true and honest my friends ❤️