It was a rough day to say the least.
We went to the school for orientation only to find out someone is in his class that could really hurt him. Tears filled my eyes. This little boy calls my sons dad “dad”. It crushes me to think that they could do a project or talks about dads and my son will find out his dad that hasn’t called him in a really long time or seen him for years is fathering a child that isn’t his.
I was angry. Angry my sons name wasn’t changed when we wanted to. Angry that he doesn’t have a dad or step dad to talk about. Angry that he has been so hurt by everything that has happened.
The words I HATE HIM crept into my throat. I swallowed it back down because I have never hated a sole in my life. Not even my sons dad. I have disliked, been angry, been hurt but have never hated someone.
It crushed my insides that it even came to my mind to have that feeling. I cried and hard tonight for everything that went on and is going on in mine and my sons life.
Life isn’t fair sometimes, in times it is down right bullshit. We are over here hurting, I’m dealing with a sickness and life is stressful and the bad person, the mean person, the wrong person is just living their life like nothing. They got everything they wanted at the expense of two hearts. They get their happy ending and we are struggling to put our lives back together and deal with the shit that keeps being thrown at us.
I think about how if our family was still together we probably would be in a whole different situation. A happy one. A school that my son is safe in. A place where my son can talk a male being in the home for him. A man that could talk with him and be there when he needed.
While I want to scream I hate you at the top of my lungs I won’t because I am not that person and no matter what I won’t become that person because of him.
A call has been made to the superintendent so please pray we catch a break and he can be placed away from what will happen because he is such an amazing kid he doesn’t need anymore pain.
Tomorrow is Friday and I hope everyone has a safe and happy long holiday weekend.