Secrets.

Today during a surgery a patient asked me if I had a tattoo of a F16 Jet. I said I have two of them. We started talking and she talked about her son in law and how he just got back from Korea. I gave her the small run down of why I had them.

We talked for quite awhile through the surgery and the waiting period. We started talking about nine line apparel. It is one of my favorite websites to shop on. I have gotten so many things from there. We went on the website and she said she loved it. So I wrote it down for her.

It brought back a memory of when I told him he won a sweatshirt off the website. It was a lie that I felt bad telling but in reality I didn’t want him to know that Jaydee and I got him a birthday present. He didn’t get me anything for my birthday but I know being away from family and not having anyone can be hard. So we got him something so it made his day a little better. I didn’t want the drama of telling him it was a birthday present. It wasn’t my place to get him one but I felt bad. Even though I never got anything I didn’t want him to feel the way I did.

I don’t know if he still has all the things I got him. Weather from Christmas, my trips or just random things that made me think of him. He may have thrown it all away, he may still have kept them. All in all even though I didn’t get those little things I felt good whenever I gave them to him. I spent a long time thinking of his and Dans Christmas boxes and even if I didn’t get anything at that time it still felt good to me. I hope he kept the stuff including the picture frame of him and Jaydee but if he didn’t that’s his choice. I still hang one picture of dan, him and I at the Bears game. It was a wonderful day for me even thought it all went away after.

He got rid of my favorite sweatshirt of his. Weather that is true or not it hurt me to think he threw something away because it reminded him of me. I couldn’t do. I can’t just forget because no matter how mad I get I will always care because that’s who I am.

Life is going on but somedays I do miss them even if I was hurt.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend ❤️

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