Twenties.

My last day in my twenties has been relaxing. I cleaned, deep cleaned the living room and vacuumed the stairs.

I ran endless amounts of memories through my brain. From good to bad. Exciting to sad.

Shortly after turning twenty I had my son. I got engaged and started planning a wedding. Come 21 I had my first drink, and college graduation on the same day. That same year My son had his first birthday and shortly after I canceled my wedding and left his father. His father was my only relationship I ever had. I didn’t date again in my twenties until the end of it. At 28 I dated someone and shortly after turning 29 they were gone. I only loved one person in my twenties. Just one person I let in and told them I loved them. They will probably be my first and last after William.

My twenties were not good to me. They were a roller coaster of pain, hurt and agony. Tossed in there were some amazing adventures with friends. Two cross country moves. Six cars, two dogs, new friends and lost friends. Two miscarriages, four surgeries, three broken bones, one infected foot, endless therapy appointments, two attempted suicides and one protection order. Multiple jobs, learning and loving the prison, leaving and entering the medical field again. I gained family and lost family. I lost myself, found myself, lost myself again and working on finding me once again.

I have hit rock bottom, came back strong. I swore and promised myself to never let myself that low again, broke that promise and slowly digging my way back to the top. I was cheated on, lied to, stolen from and spent more money than I could imagine.

I started writing my book, started this blog, promoted at work, working two job, became a Den mother, joined the Red Cross and grew as a person.

I spoke my mind and silenced myself. I let things out and kept a lot of things in. I hiked many mountains and biked many miles. I lost 65 lbs and found two masses in my neck. I got many tattoos and a couple of piercings.

I got asked to be in four weddings and had someone get married while living with me. I crashed and burned. I had a car accident that I am lucky I survived.

I went through hell and prayed to come out.

I have seen, heard, dealt with a lot of crap in my twenties and I am hoping my thirties are better to me.

I had hope, faith and love in my twenties that time showed me to not have.

I never failed but I learned a hell of a lot. Every mistake, every downfall I have learned from and will take into the next chapter of my life.

Some people are coming and some are staying.

Tonight is the last night in my twenties and I may not be ready for them to end because I needed more time but time doesn’t stop and I have to rise like a Phoenix and handle it. 

I hope everyone has a good night.

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