I don’t sleep.

I don’t sleep at night. I try to sleep like a normal human but I can’t without the help of the medication my doctor gave me. I don’t like taking the medication because I am on enough of it as it is.

If I happen to fall asleep normally I have horrible night sweats with nightmares. They tell me it’s a side effect of my other medication. So my options are stop taking it and maybe sleep good or continue to take it and feel okay and be healthy.

I don’t sleep.

There are things that I have found to try and rest my mind. Sometimes I talk to friends, my one friend Josh is a cop on third shift in town, we text and sometimes he stops over with treats. If he is off I can sometimes find someone else to talk to or I work out, play a game, write, read or clean.

I don’t sleep.

My headaches have been not as bad the last few days but always there, another wonderful side effect. It amazes me how one medication can save your life and there isn’t another option at the moment so you take it regardless of the endless side effects that can come. Billions are poured into the medical research for drugs each year but yet we can’t find cures for things. Maybe there is cures but if we cured everything the population would be out of control.

I don’t sleep.

I am exhausted. I am tired. My body hurts. My mind is full. My heart hurts.

I don’t sleep.

Every day I get up, I drink my coffee and let my dog out. I sit outside breath the fresh air and then wake my son up and get him ready for the day. I go to work or prepare for the den meeting coming up or do my work for the Red Cross. I clean, cook, plan and take care of everything alone. I check in on my friends and family. I pray and hope for a break in life. I have breakdowns and flashbacks. I run, walk, workout, go to the dog park or shopping.

I don’t sleep.

I don’t know when or how I can fix this. I don’t know if only person could help this. I don’t know if I will get better but I have not given up. I will keep fighting and I will keep pushing.

I don’t sleep and I am tired.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s