Words.

I have been having a hard time putting into words how my week has gone so far.

On Tuesday before heading to Costco for dog food I stopped and had bunch with my cop 😍. We are still in that getting to know each other take things slow see where it goes Stage. After two hours of just talking, I mean no phones, no nothing just talking it was time for us to go. He had to get to work and I had to get shopping.

This is where my heart stopped and tears filled my eyes. This man who just sat talking about anything text me and said ” Do your eyes change colors? At the start they were blue and by the end they were a green” I started to cry and I said yes they do. He said good I didn’t want to seem crazy.

This is why I cried because in two hours he was so focused on me to notice that detail. I lived with a man, I loved a man who didn’t even know my birthday. A man who probably couldn’t tell you what color my eyes are, what size clothes I wear, how many piercings I have or tattoos. They were happy tears. Relief that I’m not so messed up as I have made myself believe. That there are good people out there who want to get to know me, understand me and actually spend time with me.

This week has been a stressful one between burning my face, scheduling my surgery, paying medical bills and thinking of my sons birthday, plus Christmas coming up. Then there is planning of my trips coming up and work. All that I have going on and I still have found time to give to him.

You can be busy but still have time to check in on the ones you care about. I am so thankful I have worked my ass off and fought through the past year of a storm. In just a few short weeks it will be a year since our of the blue he left us. It will be a whole year of my life completely being destroyed and working my ass off to come back.

I think I will always love him, I will always care and wonder the why but I am at a point where my life needs to continue weather he chose to be a friend or not.

My come back is so strong and I know everyday when I wake up I will always be better then her. I will never ever destroy a family the way she did and I will never be a silent coward.

Tomorrow is Halloween. I will dress up for work, dress my son up for school, come home go trick or treating and then head out to dinner with my favorite person flying in from out of town for her birthday.

Life can be hell my friends but keep on pushing on through the storm and come back stronger then where you were.

Goodnight❤️

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