Yesterday was two years since I started talking to him. It seems like time is flying. These past weeks have definitely been better then the rest. While I still hurt from time to time I have come to understand there is nothing I can do anymore. It has almost made me feel dumb for holding onto to feelings and still crying from time to time.
I feel almost like a fool when I look at myself with tears in my eyes. I know I will still cry because that is just who I am but I think I have come to a better understanding of it all.
I haven’t written on here in awhile because I just don’t know how to put everything I feel and have been up to these days into words. I say What the Fuck to myself about 50 times a day.
I am getting more excited for our vacation in a week. I am excited to see some of the great friends I made there and some that have been there every day since all this started. I am a little worried to see our house and have memories come back but as long as I can process them and feel them I think I can make it through everything.
Nothing really has been going on in the home front but the weather has been getting nicer a few days a week so Ares and I have been spending my days off outside. I have gotten him two ducks which he destroyed within hours. In his defense I got one of the ducks at motherhood maternity. I had to go to the Apple store and the closest one to us now is about an hour away in the fancy town near the bigger city. It is in an outdoor mall and a lot of the stores are leaving, so motherhood maternity was 70% off and while I don’t think I’ll need pregnancy clothes again I got a few of the blankets and other things that were on sale.
Yesterday I went to get my hair done and ended up breaking out into this horrible body rash so for today Ares and I are going to snuggle in bed until my body decides to start working again.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!