I get asked all the time why I try. Why I hope. Why I care. The answer is alway seems simple to me because I have a heart I say.
Every day it runs through my mind- Speak your side, tell everyone what happened, bring light to everything, get it off your damn chest. Send all the letters you have written to each person they are meant for. Get it off of you and get it out that the way you are feeling is valid.
I still have hope that one day just one day it will hit him and it will click- holy fuck she was a good person and all she wanted was for me to be honest and to be a friend. To keep what I say to be truthful and the little things she asked I could have done.
I’m not ready to burn the bridge down but each day it comes a little closer to me lighting it up. I get inside my head and I flash back to things I wished I would have said or did. It has been instilled in me to keep quiet, to move on. To not hurt anyone and to weigh all the burden on myself.
How does one disappear without as much as an explanation. As the words I want to be friends floods my head but they mean nothing these days. How does someone do that? How does one just walk away after hurting me so deeply and saying they didn’t want to anymore but then does the one thing that kills me the most. Being stuck in a house and in my head is not helping anything but a simple conversation would have.
My heart it hurts.
My heart is broken.
Most of all my heart still cares even when my head doesn’t want to.