House or a home

Today I did my second walk through on a house. Silently I cried. I think about the six bedrooms and how I want to fill them all. I thought about someone coming there after work and kissing me while I make dinner.

Part of me has no desire to date again. None what so ever. My heart can’t take it. I thought about how I have been pushing the pain down so deep just so I don’t feel it anymore. I thought about my boys playing in the back yard and I will be the only one enjoying the laughs, giggles and endless running.

I thought about how for a few months I had a home. I had someone coming home to me. I thought about how happy I was. I thought about how I much I felt loved and my son felt loved by another man.

The same man that has disappeared without word. Does that just make him a coward? I’m sad that I went against every warning in knowing that this would happen but I believed the endless I won’t do that, I won’t disappear, I want to be friends.

I have been doing amazing and this set back won’t hold me back but some days I have to let it break me down a bit just to come back even stronger.

I hope everyone is staying happy and healthy 🤍

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