Cold feet?

With closing 13 hours away I picked up my phone and called my dad for what seems like the 100th time.

I asked him if this house is right, if out of all I looked at if this beautiful house across from the Wisconsin River was it.

He told me sometimes I just have to jump. When I was engaged ten years ago before my wedding I asked him many times if this was it, I never made it down the aisle I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be telling the truth in my vows. I wasn’t happy and it wasn’t what I wanted. Before I left on a trip to Punta Cana I called him a half a dozen times because it was my first time out of the country alone. I came up with all kind of crazy things that could happen, none did. Years later I called him to ask if I should move in with Skyler. I called many others and they all said you need to open your heart and try. Not all are the same and you need to love. I did and it’s not something I will do again. I saw both sides of that. What he did to me and what he did to her.

I used to watch very carefully what I say on here in fear one of them would see it but now I have grown and I don’t care. If my feelings weren’t considered I have to stand my ground and speak my truth. Speak up for all the lies that were told to so many.

I call my dad for everything. He may not always have the answers but he normally has the direction to point me in to get them. He may not always give the words I want to hear but rather need to hear. My kids might not have the amazing father that I do but they have an amazing mother because of my father.

13 hours and counting until I make the biggest purchase of my life. As I walked through the house again today I pictured the kids playing on the beautiful staircase being silly, the backyard that will host parties and memories. I pictured tucking them into bed and footsteps into mommy’s room.

I have made mistakes in my life, some pretty big ones at that but being a mommy, a great friend, sister, daughter and all around great human makes life worth it. I’ll always own up to my mistakes and sadly not everyone was raised that way but they won’t have the life I have.

I hope everyone is happy and healthy 🤍

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